If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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