yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize