He disabled his match.com account in front of me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
