i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
