If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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