Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
