what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Randomize
