I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
