Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
