We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
