I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
