Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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