he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize