Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
