i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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