This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
