Having a random hookup so left but love u
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
