My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
