What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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