I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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