Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
