i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
