you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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