We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
