What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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