Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
