just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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