i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
