I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Randomize
