I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
