so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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