Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize