yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize