new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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