Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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