they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
