Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
