dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
