she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
