I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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