youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
