I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
