"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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