I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
