Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
