i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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