Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
