Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
