Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i was born a porn star she said
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
