I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
