How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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