so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
