help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
