I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
be right there i have to get my cape
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize