My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
