Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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