you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
