So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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