You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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