it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
