We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
