Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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