some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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