3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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