Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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