His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
