You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
