I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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