Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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