im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
