this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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