I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
