I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
