She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
