were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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